This pregnancy has been quite the roller coaster. It's a roller coaster of emotions. Things seem to quickly change from week to week. I suppose there was a reason they told us that things would be "touch and go" after the surgery. I'm sure you're tired of reading the ups and downs of it. I understand. I'm tired of living the ups and downs of it.
Today marks 4 weeks since the laser surgery. We have come so far since learning about our initial diagnosis of Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome. We have had many obstacles in our story. TTTS and laser surgery, Baby B's additional diagnosis of SIUGR, the anterior placenta, the early onset of these diagnoses and therefore their severity. Through all these things, we have continued to have hope to bring two baby girls home. However, we have learned some facts today which are going to make having this continued hope even more difficult.
We had our 20 week growth and anatomy ultrasound today. This is the appointment I've been waiting for since our week of surgery. I knew it was going to be a big appointment in determining exactly how the girls were doing. Growth is a clear indication of how much blood flow they are getting and if it's enough.
Baby A is completely formed and has all of her correct body parts. She is growing really well, as well as a singleton baby would be at this point. We are so happy to know this. Since she has done so well to this point, it's easier to hope I will be able to deliver her and someday bring her home. Our fetal echocardiogram is later this week.
Baby B has grown a tiny amount in the last month, but she has not grown enough for them to think she will have a favorable outcome. This sweet sweet child is fully formed. All of her organs are visible and functioning. She continues to have a normal heart beat. However, she is just not growing. Baby A is 12 oz. Baby B is 7 oz. We knew she would have quite a time trying to catch up to her sister while in utero but it was necessary that she grow more than she has. She does have the improved cord flow that we saw last week but it appears that it's just not enough. As a mama, I see her moving around and interacting with her sister and she just seems so perfect to me. I just want to scream, "Someone please help her!" But the severity of the SIUGR is just working against us. Today they told me that the placenta appears to be even more abnormal that I had known. It is twice as thick as it should be and they think it has something to do with the poor cord placement and growth restriction for our Baby B. I desperately wish there was something more to be done. But the doctor's indication today was that everything is still just a waiting game. He did say at the end of our discussion that sometimes babies surprise them. Anything can happen. But it's difficult to ignore her limited growth.
The waiting and the unknown of all of it is so tough. The writer in me wants to phrase things eloquently for you but all I can think to say is THIS SUCKS. THIS JUST SUCKS.
I can't think of a way to end this post other than to say - Friends, please keep praying for a miracle. Pray that this little girl is one of the babies who surprise the doctors. And if we still lose her in the next weeks or months, that this sweet little soul will know nothing but love and go straight into Jesus' arms.
Love y'all.
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