Adjustment

I feel that the past few days have really been about adjustment.  Our family is trying to adjust to this new normal for now.  We are still recovering mentally and emotionally from the stress of last week and I'm still trying to recover physically as well.  I feel like life is just different on this side of last week.  A week ago, things were easier and just lighter.  Now, it's different and more difficult and we are all adjusting.

My little Avery Grace is adjusting to having her mama gone for a few days last week and then now being on bed rest.  She of course loves spending time with both her Honey (my mom) and her DeDe (Brian's mom).  And they are taking wonderful care of her.  But I can tell she's a little out of sorts.  She's emotional and acting out a bit.  This is stressful for her too.  But I know she will adjust as well.  My mom keeps telling me that kids are more resilient than we give them credit for.  And I know that's true.  But it hurts my mama's heart when she's upset.  I want to just jump up and fix everything for her and return our schedules back to normal.  But I can't, for now.  I do appreciate all of the offers we have gotten for fun play dates for her.  I'm going to keep her mostly with Honey and DeDe for now so she won't feel so "shuffled."  But I do plan to take y'all up on those offers as we get further into the summer.

The best thing is when Avery crawls up into bed with me, pats my arm and says, "It's okay mama.  I'ma take care of you."  It puts tears in my eyes every time.  I keep trying to reassure her that I'm okay and I'm going to be okay and here she is, reassuring me.  She will lay in bed with me and we will watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse together and it's just one of the only times that feels like normal.  Just mama and daughter cuddling together.  It's the best part of my day.

My body is still physically adjusting to the medications I'm on now.  One of the medications is to lower my blood pressure to keep contractions away, but also to lower the blood pressure of the babies so their hearts can heal and reverse damage.  The medication keeps my blood pressure so low that I often feel dizzy and like I'm going to faint even if I'm just sitting up.  But I know it's important and it's doing its job.  I'm constantly wondering how the babies are doing in there.  Hoping they are growing and moving and becoming healthier by the day.  I wish I could do more, but for now all I can do is pray, eat plenty, rest plenty and as my surgeon asked of me, to remain really calm.  Yeah, that last part is really hard for me.  Calm is not usually a word I'd use to describe myself.

Brian has some flexibility with his schedule and will be able to do some work from home.  We appreciate the support from his boss and colleagues.  Brian has been amazingly strong through this.  He's been my rock of emotional support.  I've always told him he is the calm to my crazy and it's been so evident this week.  Brian is just one of those people that you want to have on your side when the tough gets tougher than you ever could have anticipated.  What a blessing and gift from God he is.

Our next ultrasound will be later this week.  We are praying for healthy heartbeats and more equal amounts of amniotic fluid for both babies.

Thank you for all the kind words of support.  It really means so much to us to have people praying for us and our sweet baby girls.

(We are still talking about names for the girls and hope to have them picked soon.  I'm getting tired of calling them Baby A and Baby B.)