Smiling's my favorite

I apologize if you've been waiting for a post from me.  I got home yesterday evening, ate dinner and went to bed.  The appointments take a lot out of me physically and mentally and I just crash when I get home.

All to say - yesterday was the most positive appointment we have had since the diagnosis.  I walked out of the ultrasound feeling more hopeful than ever before.

I am a goal oriented person.  I like to break things up into little accomplishments and feel like I met certain goals.  I need to see progress.  I told the doctor I knew that we still had a long road and that we are taking it week by week and that I knew we aren't out of the woods yet of course, but I asked if we had met our goals for this week.  And my lovely doctor smiled and said yes, I'm very happy.

Baby A - We still have another couple of weeks before her fetal echo cardiogram to see how her heart handled the surgery and if it has been able to further reverse any damage caused by the TTTS.  However, she has a nearly perfect amount of amniotic fluid instead of all the excess she had before the laser surgery.  This indicates that the surgery was indeed successful and the girls are no longer having transfusions between them.  This is huge!  It feels good to know that the laser surgery did what it was supposed to.  Baby A has a normal sized bladder which is also an indication she is getting an appropriate amount of blood flow.  She appears to be healthy and growing and I'm very eager to see what her fetal echo says, but again, we have a while before that happens.

Baby B - Our little Baby B still has a lot going on and it's really still up in the air for her.  But I'm trying to focus on one appointment at a time instead of worrying right now about what might happen later.  So our indications yesterday were than Baby B is doing okay.  Everyone is impressed that this little girl has a strong beating heart and we are so happy about this.  Something I haven't discussed on the blog yet is that our Baby B also had another diagnosis besides the TTTS.  She is also plagued by something called Selective Intrauterine Growth Restriction (SIUGR).  What this means is that her umbilical cord has never really gotten a good connection to the placenta.  She's probably had restricted or unusual blood flow since the beginning.  The good thing is that because we no longer have the transfusions taking place between the girls, her body doesn't have the stress of pushing all her remaining blood flow to her sister.  But it's very very important for her to grow a lot in the next two weeks.  We will of course have another ultrasound next week at 19 weeks to check on the babies but our really big indicator of how Baby B is doing will be at the 20 weeks appointment.  They will be measuring her growth then and comparing it to her size at 16 weeks and that will determine how much she's being affected by the SIUGR.  I wish there was some kind of surgery that could reattach her cord to the placenta in a healthier place but that doesn't exist yet.  Maybe by the time Avery is having kids.  (Ahh, scary thought!  Grandma Jess!?)

Despite the fact that both babies still do have health issues, my doctor seems so positive.  Yesterday, he was just smiling and radiating positivity.  Seriously, it seems like God just matched me up with the perfect doctor who is so skilled at managing our babies' care but at also making me look at the bright side of things.  The doctor has never made me feel that he doesn't have time to answer all my questions.  And believe me, I ask him all the hard things.  He has never made any promises to me that he knew he couldn't keep.  He has been completely honest with us over the last few weeks.  And yesterday, he was looking at the babies on the ultrasound and saying, "Look at these babies.  I'm very happy."  I told him that I was so proud of my tough little babies.  And he said, "you are tough too."

Then I walked out of another ultrasound appointment while crying.  This time it was happy tears.  I feel more hope than ever before.  I know we still might lose Baby B.  I know that Baby A might have such significant heart problems, she may need surgery or something.  BUT.  We have more hope than ever before that the girls will make it.  That we really might be able to bring two little identical twin girls home and complete our family of five.

Another thing that we talked about yesterday is there will come a time near 28-30 weeks where there will be a lot of important decision making regarding when the girls will be born.  Baby B will most likely be healthier to be delivered near 30 weeks.  Because at that point she'll be able to be fed better outside of my body than inside.  While Baby A will probably be healthier to be delivered at 32-34 weeks and if it's before that, she might become the sicker baby at that point because she didn't need to be so premie.  It's going to be walking a very fine line.  This is all of course dependent on my body not trying to go into labor on it's own before this.  Prematurely ruptured membranes and premature labor are all risks from the laser surgery because my uterus has already been punctured.  This is the main reason I'll be on modified bed rest the remainder of the pregnancy.  Another reason for bed rest is to give Baby B the best chance possible to be growing.

Again, I was given the speech that my job is to rest, relax and eat.  I asked if I would be able to drive soon and the answer was a pretty strong no.  I was reminded that this is still a very high risk pregnancy and I'm to keep a pretty low profile.  He told me to try and enjoy this pregnancy and think happy thoughts because the babies would feel calmer if I'm calmer.  So for this goal oriented person, that is my plan for the next two weeks until we can better assess our little Baby B's situation.  I'd say I'm going to be calm and relaxed for the next 12 weeks but that sounds really far away.  So I'm saying for the next 2 weeks.

The rest of the day was filled with prenatal care appointments, physical exams for me and heading to the lab for blood tests and my fun first glucose test.  I have some early markers for gestational diabetes which is very common for mothers pregnant with multiples.  If I pass this early glucose test, I'll be tested again at 27 weeks.  I wouldn't be surprised if I have it but it all just seems secondary compared to what we have been through so far.  So I'm honestly not worried about it.  If I have it, we will deal with it.

I'm moving forward with planning a nursery for two.  I had put all of that on hold for a while but I think it's time to get back to that.  Ironically, our second crib was delivered yesterday (which was ordered before the diagnosis) and I'm so glad we had the positive news we did instead of something else.  It would have been awfully hard to come home and see a second crib which we knew for sure would never be used.  I suppose we still don't know what's going to happen but I'm going to move forward anyways.  It's probably a little premature still but I'm choosing the power of positive thinking instead.

Specific prayer requests for the babies are that Baby A's heart is still healing and that Baby B will grow grow grow!  Thank you again for all of the support and prayer and meals and Facebook messages and emails and text messages.    I may not respond to everything right away, but I see it and I'm grateful for all the love our family has received the past few weeks.  Thank you for loving on our little (but growing) family.

10 points to you if you know where I got the title of the post from.  :-)